can you unlove?

Here is something I have been thinking about:


how to ‘unlove’?

Can you “unlove”? You can do something and you can undo it. You can tie something and untie it. Fasten and unfasten. You can build something, and if you are unsatisfied, you can rebuild it. Make, remake. Millions of actions have a correlating action of undoing that very act. Redo it – or undo it. Which means that when an action, sensation, or event occurs you can afterward either resolve it (go backwards and get back to the starting point, more or less) or you can do it in a new and better way (rebuild it). The question is though, how do you “unlove”?

It appears that love is the one action that does not fit into this categorization of undoing or redoing it. Maybe this is the only action (or one of the few at least), phenomena, in the universe, which cannot be undone or redone (maybe with the exception of dying – and yet you will probably find people who believes it can be undone). Maybe it is purely due to my lack of knowledge that I philosophizes on this, but it appears to me that there exists no word which rightfully accounts for undoing or going backwards to the starting point when it comes to loving. Of course you can fall out of love as opposed to fall in love, but that is a completely different action than to love. And of course love has an opposite in hate (if that really is the opposite, but let’s leave that for another time), but that is not a word that undoes it, it is merely its opposite. And of course you will hear people stating “I don’t love you anymore”, yet I find it pretty intriguing that there is no word which truly undoes love. That should be to “unlove” or “relove”. But these words do not exist, because you cannot make sense out of them for real.

I think that when love is real, profound, and unselfish (and is not mistaken by security, safety, belonging, and wanting which it often is), then it can never be undone. There is no going back. It is like your soul has reached a place and a depth, from where it can never return. It is the space where real love is, and when you through or with some person have reached this space, you love for the person will always be there because it is beyond yourself and the person. It is infinitely in scope and pure as anything can be. It is a completely other dimension than any other action, event or sensation can reach, so nothing can challenge it – thus it cannot be undone. It simply is, to paraphrase the spiritual writer Paulo Coelho. Love simply is. Those people who say “I don’t love you anymore”, maybe then didn’t love at all? Not for real. Or is that to bold of a statement? The feeling of love can be easily mistaken because how do we really know when it is real? Maybe we want it to be mistaken, the illusion of love is better for some than not having it at all.

You might fight with someone, hurt each other, and separate. You might never meet again. You might lose your respect for the person, the faith and trust, and yet the love might be as strong as always. It simply is. Nothing can take an inch of it; because all-embracing love is above it all, it is experiencing these things from the outside and embraces the person as he or she is. It recognizes those seemingly hurtful and mean behaviors in the present, as signs from a troubled past and unhealed wound within the ego-driven part of the person, and just loves the spirit behind. Love, when it is true, simply is, and cannot be undone. That is what I think could be the case, and I find that the language somehow supports this notion. Some spiritual writers might support this idea, because they tend to believe that love is life – and that you basically needs to come to a place where you love everything, everyone, even your enemies because you are love. Obviously, love in that perspective definitely cannot be undone.

|Denmark 2008


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